(4) The Nesting-Question: "Where will I nest?" Female birds nest in trees, lionesses nest in dens, female snakes nest in holes, and several other animal species show female nesting patterns as well. Women nest too, though for them that nest takes the form of a house, apartment, or other living quarter. They do not simply live there as hollow shells or tenants (like men often do), rather, they bond intimately with their dwellingplace, projecting their very personality and feeling into every aspect of it. They have a living relationship with it, making it their "nest" in every sense of the word. Women have a God-given knack for creating a cozy place of refuge, storage, and intimacy.
Back to the wild women of Ephesus again (1Ti 5:11-15). Paul's counsel was for them to marry (answering the husband-question), have children (answering the children-question), and finally, to build a nest (answering the nest-question). 1Timothy 5:14 (underline added): So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. By managing their home-working on their nest-a deep heart question is answered, "Where will I nest?"
Proverbs 31:27 shows the exact opposite type of woman to the idle Ephesian women: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Solomon notices that a virtuous woman "watches over the affairs of her household". This cannot mean she is the head of the home, since Scripture delegates that job to the man. It means she is a faithful manager of the nest, developing and maintaining it to be an excellent place for refuge, storage, and intimacy. The first-century Ephesian women could have easily picked up a scroll of Proverbs and learned from this passage. This is probably what Paul had in mind since 1Timothy 5:13,14 resembles Proverbs 31:27 closely.
The female brain is designed to nest and manage, possessing approximately four times more neurons than a man's. This means greater quality and quantity of traffic between the right and left hemispheres of her brain. In other words, women have an 8-lane superhighway connecting the two sides of their brain, while men have a country dirt road. This gives her the ability to compute more than one element at a time-multi-tasking, multi-thinking, and multi-talking-essentials for managing. Think about it. When managing her nest, in a matter of seconds she is able to process size, color, functionality, beauty, surroundings, time frame, energy requirements, budget, number of people, and so on. Their brains are high-tech and high-speed! Very remarkable.
On the more challenging side, this explains why women tend to get overwhelmed easier and quicker than men ("analysis overload"). They are processing too many complexities and subtleties at once; their 8-lane highway is bottle-necked. Men, on the other hand, typically address multiple elements separately and sequentially. This also reveals why she is often "all over the place" in an argument, jumping erratically from point to point. Again, her brain is designed to multi-think for nesting purposes, not necessarily for conflict resolution. Similarly, women tend to heavily mix their emotions into the problem-solving process. This also goes back to her brain. Because of the substantial highways connecting her left-brain (logic) and right-brain (emotions), the problem-solving process for her is often a hodge-podge of personal feelings and logical solutions. Guys, this is why she can understand fully and agree with you 100%, yet still be mad as a hornet at you the exact same time!
The point? Women have remarkable hi-tech, hi-speed brains designed for nesting. They can nest quickly, easily, and efficiently. In no time they can have a cozy nest up and running that is functional, beautiful, and resourceful all at the same time. Through this nest they care for their closest relationships, practical resources, and feel safe in their habitat.
APPLICATION: (Men) Let her nest. Help her nest. Respect her nest. Celebrate her nest. Understand her nest. Fund her nest. Become a part of her nest. See her in her nest. (Women) Don't overload your 8-lane superhighway. Slow down and solve relational problems more systematically, and less like a multi-tasking nester. Learn to separate, isolate, and evaluate elements of a given relational issue, then reintegrate the processed parts back into the whole. Emotions (right brain activity) are a natural part of life and relationships, but if you're not careful to corral them ladies, they can hinder or destroy relationships and problem-solving. Understand your right and left brains often fire simultaneously, and therefore, you will have to rely on your inner person and the Holy Spirit to moderate your right brain emotional activity. In other words, partner with the Spirit to cultivate the fruits of peace, patience, gentleness, and self-control in your inner person (Gal 5:22,23). Over time, your brain will rehabituate and conform to your developed character. |
(5) The Security-Question: "Am I safe and secure?" The security-question brings us back to 1Peter 3:7, specifically the "weaker vessel" phrase. In Part 1, Question 2 (the husband-question), I dealt with this concept extensively, so please refer there. This passage, and the others I mentioned alongside it, refer to a woman's emotional-romantic "lean" toward her husband (or husband-to-be). If this lean is not understood and managed properly, she can be pulled into compromising, exploiting, or abusive situations. Even when managed well, it nonetheless produces a strong, ongoing inner vulnerability. Most women know this. They are in tune to their emotional-romantic vulnerability. Some would never admit it though (at least not to a man), because it is that very need that has brought compromise, exploitation, or abuse some time before.
Add the physical factor. Psalm 147:10 recognizes the Creator's gift of bodily strength to men. Scientific research and simple observation confirm this, showing men's bodies to be substantially stronger than women's. Men produce testosterone and women do not. This hormone accounts for muscle growth, size, and strength. Female bodybuilders must take it consistently as a supplement to gain the physicality you see at show-time. Even so, male bodybuilders look like comic book superheroes at show-time, while female bodybuilders look like well-developed men. In general, men have harder foreheads, broader upper bodies, faster movements, and greater cardiorespiratory capacity. This enables them to be good builders, hunters, and warriors, all essentials to human existence. Now that machines do much of this for us, many men have become either obese or impotent (see the movie Wall-e).
Now we can see two factors that would make security a top concern for women: the emotional-romantic lean and the physical disadvantage. As I said in Part 1, neither of these realities make women less valuable, not in the eyes of God or Scripture or us. One is simply a relational dynamic (the romantic lean) and the other a functional dynamic (the physicality). Nevertheless, such dynamics can be exploited--we all realize this--and therefore a consistent female heart-question keeps asking, "Am I safe and secure?"
Throughout my life I have had many friends that were girls/women. Without exception, every one of them would often weave security and safety into their comments and conversation. If they were dating a good guy they would comment, "He makes me feel secure." If not, "I don't feel safe with him." Or, when talking about marriage, "I want to marry someone where I can be financially secure and have whatever I need or want" (Ru 3:1). Or, when thinking about where to live, "It's not safe in that area" or "I'd like to move there, I heard it was really safe." Or, when driving late at night, "Don't stop there, it doesn't look safe." These are just a few examples, I'm sure you've heard or said them all too.
While men are punching each other in a ring, colliding heads on a football field, riding bulls, racing cars, fighting in a cage, and spending a lot of money to do so, women are asking, "Am I safe and secure?" This does not mean women do not also get high on adventure and uncertainty, but at the end of the day, when all is said and done, the typical man will look for more intensity, while the typical woman will look for a fortress.
APPLICATION: A woman needs to find her first and highest security in the Rock of heaven. If this is not right, anything else will be a glass floor waiting to crack. This means turning your heart-question to the Lord daily, spending alone time with Him asking Him to be your Rock and Protector and Tower. Pray Psalm 40:1,2; ask Him to set your feet on Him and His firm place. Perceive when God is working in your life to shift your dependency. Sometimes He will take something/someone away for a time to accomplish this. Don't fight it. Perceive, obey, endure, and be rewarded.
Like the other questions, there is a practical earthly side to this. Naomi sought a husband for Ruth so she would be "well provided for", financially and romantically secure (Ru 3:1 NIV). The Lord will not answer this question for you completely. He programmed you with the question so that it would, first of all, drive you to Him as your foundation. Then, so that it would drive you to make wise choices concerning romance, finance, and other lifestyle issues.
How can you raise the security and safety level of your life? Adopt wiser romantic and relational standards? Resolve existing relational crises? Distance from certain relationships, or, develop certain ones? Make wiser financial decisions? Save more? Spend more? Spend differently? Move to a different location? Install a security system? Learn self-defense? Carry mace? Change your schedule? Travel with a partner or group?
There are millions of possible adjustments you could make to increase security in your life. You and the Spirit find them. These practical ideas do not mean you don't trust in the Lord or that you are depending on the flesh. They are simply wise things you can do to build healthy gates around your life. Jerusalem, God's holy city, had watchtowers, ramparts, citadels, and gates (Ps 48:12,13). It is wisdom, not a lack of faith, to do the same for your life.
If our first and highest security is in Him first, He will bless us with practical securities (Mt 6:33). Leviticus 26:5,6 says if we obey the Lord fully, then we will live in safety, God will grant peace around us, we will lie down with no one to make us afraid, and savage beasts and the sword will be removed from near us. 1Timothy 6:17 says if we put our hope in the Lord first, He will freely give us all things for our enjoyment. Psalm 91 might be the most powerful passage in all Scripture detailing what God will do for those who find security in Him first. |
(6) The Beauty-Question: "Am I beautiful?" Beauty is not a sin. Though most Christians would agree with this, many still have a critical, legalistic, or jealous undercurrent that equates beauty with vanity, carnality, and materialism. After reading this section, I think you will see it is more important to the female heart, and God, than is acknowledged.
Since male and female are created in God's image, and since God partitioned His attributes evenly among the two sexes, we should find that one of the sexes primarily reflects His beauty. That would be the women. I'm not implying men are not or cannot be beautiful. However, just look around next time you go out in public, and it will become clear which sex primarily reflects His beauty.
Because women bear this divine attribute, a corresponding question within them asks, "Am I beautiful?" This heart-question is a type of preprogrammed motivation, intended to prompt, poke, prod, and push her into maximizing her beauty, thereby reflecting His.
Women are often rewarded handsomely when they cultivate and maximize their beautys, and often disdained when they do not. In almost every society throughout human history (even oppressive ones), female beauty was a known gateway to praise, provision, and protection, and in some cases, position. It has a hypnotic ability to sway, sometimes in mass. Remember Esther? Ruth? Sarah? Bathsheba? Jezebel? Miss USA? The prom queen? This reveals much more than just sociological trends or sexual value. There is something God-given about a woman's beauty and its potential. She reflects the Most Beautiful One as part of her gender package.
To bring this into better focus, consider how the same kind of thing happens to men. We, men, reflect God's strength. Therefore, when we cultivate and maximize that strength, humanity often rewards us too. We are admired, followed, listened to, copied, given money, given good jobs, given leadership positions, written about, interviewed, protected, helped, and so on. Society's maxim that men should be "strong and successful" is not altogether faulty. There is a grain of truth there; men (are to) reflect the strength and success of the Creator. We reflect the Strong One as part of our gender package.
Certainly both of these realities can be taken to unwholesome extremes, and often are. But their basic idea is valid: each gender reflects an aspect of God, and there are earthly rewards and benefits for those who maximize their reflection. The female question, Am I beautiful?, is simply a God-given urge to motivate her into maximizing her reflection.
God's Word makes it a point to affirm feminine beauty. Sarah was said to be "a very beautiful woman" (Gen 12:14). Rebekah was said to be "very beautiful" (24:16). Rachel was said to be "lovely in form, and beautiful" (29:17). Bathsheba was said to be "very beautiful" (2Sam 11:2). Tamar was said to be "the beautiful sister of Absalom" (2Sam 13:1). Abishag was said to be "a beautiful girl...very beautiful" (1Ki 1:3,4). Jezebel probably possessed an unprecedented beauty, as she was able to single-handedly sway the entire male leadership team of Israel (1Ki 21:8-14), 850 male false prophets (18:19), and assumed she could do the same to Jehu with just a little makeup and fixing her hair (2Ki 9:30). Esther was said to be so beautiful that she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" (Est 2:15). About Job's daughters it was said that "nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful" (Job 42:15).
God's Word goes even further, specifically affirming beautiful female bodies as well. About Rachel, Scripture says she was "lovely in form" (Gen 29:17). The Hebrew word for "form" here is to'ar, and it refers to the physical body and its features. It is the same Hebrew word used in Isaiah 52:14 to refer to Jesus' body that was beaten beyond recognition. About Abigail, Scripture says she was "of a beautiful countenance" (1Sam 25:3 KJV). "Countenance" here is to'ar, referring to her physical body. About Esther, Scripture again uses to'ar, claiming the girl was "lovely in form and features" (Est 2:7).
Perhaps the most interesting passage of all is in Ruth chapter 3. This story cracks me up! Naomi, a godly woman in every way, is playing Spirit-led matchmaker between Ruth and Boaz. So what does she tell Ruth? Pray about him? No. Meet him at temple? No. Get in good with his sister? No. Naomi says (here's where I start laughing), "Get cleaned up, put on some Coco Chanel, dress as attractively as you can, go down to the threshing floor where Boaz will be, and respectfully communicate your interest in him by lying at his feet" (Ru 3:3,4 (paraphrase).
Did Naomi and Ruth pray about it? I'm sure. Was Ruth already "talking" to Boaz before Naomi's nudging? Yes. Was God already working? Yes. However, Naomi's advice shows gender wisdom. A woman's beauty is a divine grace. It can be cultivated, developed, polished, and maximized to be used as a part of God's plan. Not only would Ruth's beauty answer a question interrogating Boaz's masculine soul, but it would also answer a question interrogating her own soul, Am I beautiful?.
APPLICATION: The New Testament admonitions concerning beauty do not cancel its legitimacy, it only moderates it abuse (1Ti 2:9,10, 1Pet 3:1-6). Paul and Peter, both using historical/contextual examples, are simply making sure women do not cherish beauty over Christlikeness. Proverbs 31:30 is their ultimate intention, not forever banning specific beautification styles. Therefore, the first application should be, is being Christlike my highest priority, even above beauty?
As with the other questions, prioritizing your relationship with God will not fully answer the beauty-question. The Lord desires that you radiate your full feminine glory. Reflecting His beauty physically is a part of that glory. Women want and need to feel beautiful. There is nothing wrong for having earthly motives for maximizing beauty, just as there is nothing wrong with many of the things we do that have earth-only significance. Keep in mind and keep as priority, though, that your beauty is reflecting the Most Beautiful One. Therefore, any maximal beauty you have cultivated should be accompanied by humility and kindness, and not the brash arrogance that so often accompanies the godless beautiful. A woman who is beautiful and Christlike is doubly beautiful, doubly glorifying to God, and will be doubly blessed on the earth.
Many women have forsaken beauty as part of their female glory. Maybe you thought once you became a Christian the physical became virtually irrelevant. Maybe you've been exposed to poor teaching that belittles the body and its potential for certain benefits and blessings. Maybe you've experienced significant rejection and disapproval in this area, and therefore, you've accepted the lie that you would never be beautiful to anyone or someone. Maybe you've never been seriously convicted to eat healthy, exercise, and develop your temple in a way that maximizes your physical presentation. Whatever the reason, whenever a woman neglects her physical upkeep and appeal, she is corroding her reflection of God's beauty. Not every woman has to be beautiful according to Hollywood, but there is certainly a tasteful appeal that every godly woman can actualize in some way. Ecclesiastes 9:8: Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Proverbs 27:9 (NKJV): Ointment and perfume delight the heart.
(Men) A large part of her desire to be beautiful is for you. It is her gift to you. Realize that. Tell her she is beautiful in different ways--write a note, send a text, frame a picture, tell her while you look her in the eye, tell those around her, make her a scrapbook, affirm specific attributes, tell her when you're not having sex. Tell her at important moments--after she gets a new hairstyle, when she's wearing a new outfit, when she's dressed up and decorated, when she feels ugly, when she's worked hard to lose weight. Be sincere and consistent without overdoing it. Dads...if you don't tell her, someone will. Boyfriends/husbands...if you don't tell her, someone will. Friends...if you don't tell her, someone will. Siblings...if you don't tell her, someone will. Do you want that?
STAY IN THE LORD’S BLESSING, AMEN. |
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